Baby Bonding – I Am Worried As I Don’t Feel Close To My Baby
If you are having trouble feeling an intense surge of love for your baby, do not be concerned – you are not alone.
Bonding between mothers and babies is complicated and often needs time to develop. It is entirely natural to feel this way – in fact varied studies undertaken have shown that 1/4 of mothers have little or no feeling for their new born babies. Many new mums admit later in life to have had feelings of indifference or even dislike for their newborn baby but did not admit to it at the time for fear of appearing “unnatural”. If you happen to feel this way you are not abnormal or inadequate.
There are lots of reasons you might feel a lack of feeling for your little one .
- Your baby might be lovely, but just like when you meet people for the 1st time, you do not always feel a natural friendship with them. Bonding isn’t something you can make happen.
- You might be exhausted. See mom planner for useful ideas.
- You could be very emotional due to hormonal changes.
- You could be doubtful of your parenting skills and feel inadequate or are lacking confidence.
- You may be anaemic.
- Your baby might be really demanding or unwell.
- The birth could have been traumatic or you may be suffering from physical issues related to the birth.
- You might have been anticipating the birth for months and are disappointed that you don’t feel an immediate love for your baby when you “knew” you would.
- You could have mixed feelings about becoming a parent.
Ideas to help
- Looking back on their baby’s first year most moms realize that a true bond (not that oh my god you are beautiful feeling) happens over a period of time by providing ongoing baby care. So take care of your infant’s basic needs; hold and kiss her constantly and bonding will happen in its own time. It is so important not to be concerned.
- If you’re more relaxed you’ll be able to spend more quality time with your baby without continually worrying about what needs to be done. The never ending cycle of housework, washing and preparing meals is draining not to mention the exhaustion felt through lack of sleep. Let those around you know how you are feeling and ask for help – partners, friends and family – whoever is willing to give a hand.
- Get support. Hop onto a forum or join a playgroup so that you can talk to other moms. This will help you realise what you are feeling is normal and there is absolutely no need to feel guilty.
- Talk to a health professional or paediatrician. They’re used to moms feeling this way and can provide ideas about the best way to bond with your baby.
- Don’t stress. Don’t worry. It just requires time .
Remember there’s no exact time line for bonding. Over time , as you get to know your baby and enjoy her company, your feelings will naturally deepen. Do not be astonished if one day you look at your baby and realize you’re absolutely filled with love for her.
Ngaire Moulds, mother of 4, has 20 years ‘ experience raising children. Having had 4 children under 5 and now the mother of 4 teenagers she has experienced the highs and lows of raising babies, toddlers and teenagers. As her children became more independent she gained childcare qualifications, worked for several years in this field and is now in the midst of writing an ebook. Visit her website routines for babies for practical ideas on subjects such as sleep training for babies , feeding schedules and finding time for yourself.
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